Lost in Space

So, it's been a while since my last post.

"Why, Old Blodger, why?" I hear you scream in dismay.

Well, Christmas intervened, obviously, with all of its myriad distractions...booze mainly (a very belated happy season's greetings to you all, by the way). Also, since party time officially ended on the first of January until a couple of days ago I've been pretty much iced in at our County Leitrim abode. The main roads weren't too bad but our gaff is one and a half miles off the beaten track - one and a half miles of sheer driving-on-glass terror. No water (apart from regular deliveries of milk churns full of adam's ale by our wonderful farmer neighbours), no access to the Interweb (my p.c. has blown up altogether now) and a fierce cough resulting in several days of laryngitis (no point in phoning anyone when you can't speak).

Imagine how glad I am now that the ice has gone, the water's back, I can use the Interweb in our Galway gaff and I can speak again.

I spent most of my enforced rest period in Leitrim reading books, watching DVDs and generally lazing about, totally detached from the outside world and reality. Whilst in this rarified frame of mind I got to thinking about the previous year, a mini-review of my personal life if you will. A lot of things went wrong in 2009:

• As already mentioned, my p.c. crashed and burned with a catastrophic hardware meltdown.
• My laptop did very much the same thing.
• Ditto my external hard drive.
• The t.v. aerial died.
• My lovely shiny silver toaster blew up.
• My 1999 Land Rover Freelander (my baby) has an engine-related problem which requires a visit to the nearest Land Rover agent for a bit of computer diagnosis. Awkward and probably bloody expensive.
• The Brunette's 1997 VW Polo cuts out at every junction/traffic light/roundabout etc (but at least it's still in the land of the living).
• The DAB radio that the Brunette bought me as a 2008 Christmas pressie doesn't work, even though we're less than twenty miles from the border with the UK.
• FM radio reception is extremely iffy in Leitrim, especially at night when every non-English speaking radio station in Europe chooses to do battle with the dulcet tones of the Radio 5 Live presenters.
• Broadband is non-existant in our Leitrim gaff. We're about 100 yards away from the last house that can receive it via land line. We're in a dip just low enough to stop us getting it via line-of-sight and satellite is still too expensive. Besides which, my p.c. and laptop are, as previously mentioned, fucked so even if broadband were available I have nothing on which to avail of it!
• Mobile phone reception is...shite. If someone phones me whilst I'm in the house I have to hang, just so, out of one of the living room windows to have any hope of getting reception. 
• Our Leitrim washing machine has, in addition to making our clothes clean and sparkly, decided that each t-shirt, pair of jeans, set of underwear would look immeasurably better with a million creases un-iron-ably infused into them. 
• Our Leitrim tumble drier has decided, probably in cahoots with the washing machine - they are both Candy after all - to blow one of the fuses on our main fuse board every time we try to use it.   

In short, every mechanical, electrical or electronic piece of hardware that we own seems to have taken a look at our worthiness as owners and has found us wanting. I'm sure that I could dredge up a few more technological implosions if I thought a bit harder but believe it or not this is not meant to be a rant against consumerism or some kind of pro-luddite treatise.

When I first looked at my list of destruction my initial reaction was one of outraged victimhood. This was swiftly followed by resigned acceptance which finally dissolved into helpless laughter. It's only stuff, innit? Money is admittedly too tight to mention at present, but what it once bought will one day be buyable again...if we decide that we want to replace all this crud, that is. Technological breakdown is great for making you think about what's important.

There was a short period during my enforced solitude in Leitrim when the electricity went. I therefore had no power and very few working gadgets to play with even if I did. I couldn't speak to anyone, I couldn't drive anywhere, I had enough water for a cup or two of coffee, a corned beef and pickle sandwich and a calor gas heater. What did I do? I read a book via candlelight and I couldn't have been happier.

True, I'm glad that Ireland is thawing out at last as I prefer to live in the 21st century rather than the middle ages, but I'm also glad to have had that short time for reflection. I'm actually looking forward to 2010 with a bit of positivity now. I hope you are too.

Don't let the bastards grind you down,
oldblodger